They're What!
by Confiscated Retina
Summary: So, where did all the JakDaxter slash come from? Read and review if you wanna.


They're What?!  
A fanfic by Razzek  
  
Note: Jak II and all characters therein are © Naughtydog Inc. and Sony Computer Entertainment. Special thanks to Stoker, Smash and Mattisune for reading this first and offering advice. This story is all Mattisune's fault.  
  
~*~  
  
The sun was just rising over Haven City when a weary, smelly Jak staggered through the door of the Naughty Ottsel, his orange-furred companion Daxter barely hanging on to his left shoulder. From behind the bar, Tess, the bar's beautiful first employee, looked up with a surprised gasp. Both were covered in grime and old sweat, Jak's green-tinged hair hanging limply over his shoulders and Daxter's fur matted and tangled. The two heroes had been gone for the past three days on a secret mission with Sig.  
  
"Jak, Daxter, what happened to you two?" she said, rushing around the bar to help the two heroes to a seat.  
  
"Nothing a long, hot bath won't fix, sweet cheeks," Daxter mumbled. "Care to join me?"  
  
Tess couldn't help but smile. "Maybe..." she said with a small giggle.  
  
The Ottsel's tail tip flicked slightly in an attempt at a happy wag but he was apparently too exhausted to do anything else.  
  
"Tess," Jak began, "next time Sig asks us to help him clean out his basement, please remind me to shoot him."  
  
The blonde woman raised an eyebrow curiously but decided it was just better not to ask. "Can I get you guys a drink or anything?" she offered instead.  
  
"Nah. We're going upstairs for a break," Jak mumbled, making his way toward the stairwell that led to some extra rooms in the Naughty Ottsel's second story.  
  
"Feel free to join in anytime, sugar plum," Daxter said with a grin.  
  
Tess hid a smile behind her hand and went back to her work.  
  
~*~  
  
Jak pushed the door to his apartment open with a shoulder and staggered inside. The room was sparsely furnished, containing a bed, a nightstand with a lamp on it, and a dresser. There was a private bathroom, complete with bathtub, adjoining the room which he intended to use once he got his filthy gear off. Groaning, the young elf pulled off his boots and discarded his gun and hoverboard, tossing both into a corner of the room along with his boots, which were emitting a strong odor of cheese.  
  
"Y'might wanna open a window before that spreads," Daxter muttered wearily, waving a hand at the boots.  
  
Jak smirked at his friend's remark and began to unbuckle the leather straps which had kept his equipment strapped to his back for the past three days. Daxter pulled himself into a standing pose, wobbling on unsteady feet, intending to hop off his friend's shoulder so Jak could remove the padded shoulder guard where the Ottsel spent much of his time. As the elf removed the shoulder pad, Daxter's unsteady footing gave way and he slipped, sliding down Jak's shirt collar.  
  
"Ack! Daxter!"  
  
~*~  
  
In the Naughty Ottsel's main room, Tess had finished cleaning the bar and was humming an old song to herself when Keira walked through the door.  
  
"Good morning, Tess," the green-haired mechanic said.  
  
"Hi, Keira. What can I do for you?"  
  
"Actually, I was wondering if you'd seen Jak lately."  
  
"Oh, yes, I have. He and Daxter came in a few minutes ago-"  
  
She was interrupted by a loud noise from upstairs. Both women jumped, looking toward the ceiling.  
  
"What was that?" Keira asked.  
  
"It sounded like it came from Jak's room..." a worried look crossed Tess' face. "Maybe we should go and make sure he's alright. He and Daxter looked pretty tired when they came in."  
  
Both women headed for the stairwell.  
  
~*~  
  
In his room, Jak was dancing from one foot to the other, trying to get the Ottsel out of his shirt.  
  
"No, Dax—ah, stop!" he laughed as small claws and soft fur tickled his ribs.  
  
"Man, Jak, you reek!" Daxter's muffled voice said from the depths of his friend's shirt. He was starting to feel light-headed and just wanted out.  
  
"Wait, Dax, don't-!"Jak couldn't get the words out fast enough; in his frantic search for oxygen, the disoriented Ottsel was trying to claw his way past Jak's belt and succeeding.  
  
~*~  
  
Keira and Tess had just reached the door to the apartment, the sounds of laughter echoing through the stairwell, when there was a loud "thump!" from inside.  
  
"No, no, stop, Dax!" they heard Jak gasp between laughs.  
  
The two women looked at one another.  
  
"Sounds like they're having fun in there..." Tess murmured.  
  
Hesitantly, Keira pushed the door open.  
  
~*~  
  
Somehow, Jak had managed to pull his shirt off, but the removal of the fabric combined with the mad dance he was doing trying to shake Daxter out of his pants leg had sent him tumbling to the floor. Half suffocated, Daxter was now making his way back up Jak's leg.  
  
"No, no, stop, Dax!" the elf yelped, squirming and laughing.  
  
Gasping for air, Daxter dragged himself past the waistband of the imprisoning pants and collapsed on his friend's stomach.  
  
"I'mma have...nightmares...about that...for weeks..." the Ottsel wheezed.  
  
"Oh, Daxter!"  
  
Both heroes turned to see Tess and Keira standing by the open door. Tess ran to Jak's side and quickly scooped up the Ottsel, holding him close. Daxter shamelessly pressed his face into her cleavage.  
  
"Now, this I don't mind," he said, voice muffled.  
  
"Jak, what happened? Are you alright?" Keira knelt beside her friend.  
  
"I am now," the elf wheezed. "I really need a nap."  
  
Keira smiled down at him and helped him into a sitting position. "How about a shoulder rub first?"  
  
Jak wasn't about to refuse.  
  
~*~  
  
Back in the stairwell, a figure lurked in the shadows. She had been listening to the commotion in the apartment and Tess and Keira's investigation had proved her suspicions to be correct. Grinning, the dark muse crept silently back down the stairs, eager to tell the others of her find.  
  
And the moral is: An Ottsel in the pants is worth a lifetime of embarrassment. 


End file.
